Feeling Alone ≠ Being Alone

I had a great Labor Day weekend up on the middle fork of the Snoqualmie River. A wonderfully secluded campsite, that was on the far side of the river kept us in relative seclusion. Me and one good friend went out there Friday and only saw three teens for a few moments on Saturday, and then no one else until leaving on Monday afternoon.
Our campsite was on an old dried up island in the middle of the river, it obviously used to be part of the river bed, but the growth on the island belied how long it had been above the water level. There was a lot of wonderful views steps from our tent. A small tributary of the river worked as a cold storage for our food. With the gravel road, nearly invisible on the opposite side of the river It was one of the best primitive campsites I have been to in a long time that didn't require a day's hike or more. I have no doubt I will want to return to this site again in the future.
Each morning I had a good amount of time to walk away from camp and give myself time to ponder and stew over various parts of life. Alone and in nature, listening to the river run and the occasional bird was at times peaceful, and at times haunting. Of course the difference between...

...just me.

I struggle with the fact that I can so easily let my mind wander back and forth to places I shouldn't. Places I want to leave behind, Places I wish I couldn't go, or places I wish I could. Its difficult at best, but its something I can't ignore. Other times of the weekend were packed with fun and adventure. Learning how to cross a fast moving river with slippery rocky bottoms too shallow to swim. Finding a beautiful deep swimming hole with soft clay edging the river, and a giant rock to jump from. Playing in a glassy, clear water alcove in the golden light of sunset. Playing my drum out in nature. There were definitely more pluses that minuses even with my head-space flirting back and forth in occasional disarray.

Where I struggle now, though, merely two days after returning home, is how alone I feel without the one person nearby. I am pretty happy with most of my life, (most of the time) but in this one thing, I still feel the pressure of what everything in our society insists is where I have failed as a man. Letting go of my pre-conceptions and what I think should be, and what my world should look like, especially when it comes to my interactions with other people is harder than I want it to be.

I am okay alone. I am enough.
These are true, I know this.
So why do I feel alone?